Monday, February 21, 2011
Short Post 2/22/11
The chapter “Sex R Us” in Douglas’ book really struck a chord with me because there are aspects of this chapter that I see being very relevant to the Colgate campus. The “hook up” culture at Colgate is certainly subject of much discussion. Last year I went to a brown bag about this culture and I could not help, but feel like I was in a room with a bunch of girls complaining in a not constructive manner. I decided to ask one of my good guy friends about his opinion on the topic. His response was that the majority of his guy friends would agree that they would also prefer to be in relationships rather than hook up. He went on to say the problem with this was that the girls at Colgate were simply to slutty and therefore not dateable. This response immediately frustrated me and after reading Douglas’ article I was able to understand what it was that made me so angry. It is this idea that girls are trapped in a culture that it both prudish and pornographic. I have heard guys’ complain both about girls not dressing slutty enough for certain party themes and then also that girls at Colgate girls make it too easy. It seems that if there are not relationships at Colgate it is the girls’ fault. We cannot be prudish or slutty enough to be the perfect girl. Women at Colgate are made to feel embarrassed if they become emotionally attached, but also considered gross if they do not. It makes me want to yell at guys who say that girls are too slutty because maybe they should stop trying so hard to sleep with girls then. It sometimes seems like girls are dehumanized at this school to the point that they are simply a goal to conquer. Once guys wear down their defenses enough either through alcohol or by acting charming that girls are willing to sleep with them then that girl is no longer interesting. Talk about being in a birdcage there is no right course of action for a girl to take in terms of her sexuality.
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I agree with Abby, that this is an unfortunate catch 22 for girls at Colgate. Through her example, it is easy to accept that boys hold all the power in terms of one's sexual relationships at this school. I have one example in particular that illustrates this point clearly. I know a sophomore boy who had been dating a girl from home for the entirety of last semester. When he came back in the Spring and promptly ended his three year relationship, he went out every night one week and had sex with four different girls. Now his frat brothers probably gave him a high five and bystander girls probably thought he was the new 'it' guy to try to talk to, but sadly what I realized was that if his role had been switched with the girl she would definitely be getting left and right ridicule and backlash from her peers. When will the double standard end? Only time will tell.
ReplyDeleteSadly, I agree with both Abby and Kendall. When I first came to Colgate I was shocked by the amount of random hook ups and casual atmosphere of sex on the campus. I would hear upper class guys talking about the "hot freshman" they "had banged all night" and in the same sentence then talk about 3 other girls they had "gotten" with in the past week. One of my girlfriends had been seeing this guy pretty regularly, and she told me one night that she went out to the jug saw him, and he wouldn't even give her a friendly wave hello. He completely ignored her to the point where she had to go over and say something to him. She told me later that she wasn't trying to date this guy, or go home with him that night, but the fact that he could not even acknowledge her in public was awful and truly demeaning. However, at Colgate it is not only the guys who sleep around. My mom asked me once if there was a lot of date rape drugs at school. I simply looked at her and responded- "the guys don't need them". As sad as it sounds, it is true. I have heard multiple girls in bathrooms saying things to their friends "man I really wanna have sex" or things along those lines. Girls here throw themselves at guys, or drink to the point where they will throw themselves at practically anyone. I think that it is a large problem on the campus, but it cannot be fixed without girls gaining more self respect and guys treating women like people instead of one night stands they don't ever have to acknowledge again.
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